Muslim Dating Culture: Traditions and Peculiarities
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If the man himself does not want intimacy, he should still be affectionate towards his wife. The procession took the bride to the house of the groom. After all have been courteously welcomed and their congratulations received, the bridegroom, about eleven o'clock, intimates his wish to set out. Among some Arabs, the go-between not only carries out the negotiations but also finds the bride for the young man.
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Muslim Rules on Dating - Thus, the last part of the verse declares that to deserve God's love, one should continually strive to keep his body as well as his soul cleansed.
Arab Marriage Customs Arab Marriage Customs and Biblical Similarities Bruce Satterfield Department of Religious Education, Brigham Young University - Idaho Those who have studied both the Bible and the modern Arabs will quickly recognize that in many instances there is a striking similarity between the customs and traditions displayed by both. This is especially true where marriage is concerned. Indeed, understanding the Arab customs concerning marriage will illuminate and clarify many biblical references concerning marriage. This paper will focus on modern Arab marriage customs and similar marriage customs that existed in biblical times. Marriage customs are not immune to this change. Therefore, in order to avoid any distortions that might come from the use of present day research, I have chosen to obtain my information from sources that would be least affected by westernization. These sources include travelers and anthropologists who wrote in the latter parts of last century and the earlier parts of this century before the great influx of western influence upon the Middle East. For the most part, marriage customs throughout the Middle East are similar. Each tribe or village might vary the theme a little but nevertheless a general protocol or standard seems to prevail. Marriage is contracted in several steps: 1 the choosing of the bride, 2 the sending of the go-between, 3 the betrothal, and finally, 4 the wedding ceremony. Each step will be briefly discussed. The Motif of the Choosing of the Bride In the Middle East, it is not customary for men and women to select their own spouse. This is normally the prerogative of the father. It is he who feels the ultimate responsibility for procuring a bride for a son and sees that his daughter gets married. Immediately, one can begin to see biblical similarities. Father Abraham felt the responsibility of procuring a wife for Isaac Gen. Hagar, after she was expelled from the camp of Abraham, sought out a wife for Ishmael from among the Egyptians Gen. It was Jethro who gave Zipporah, his daughter to any man who could capture Diriath-sipher Joshua 15: 16,17 , and Saul who offered his daughter to anyone who could kill Goliath, the boastful champion of Philistines 1 Sam. He then has fulfilled the duty of his life Granqvist, 1931: pp 46-47. Yet, if a young man reaches the marriageable age and is not betrothed, it becomes his privilege to ask his father to find for him a wife Trumbull, p. He tells the story of a young man who arrived at the marriageable age but his father was in South America. He was very upset and offended. Immediately, his mother set out to arrange a marriage for him. If one says to him: 'Do this and that', he does not obey. He strikes his sister and his mother. Just how the choice of a bride is made and from among what groups varies throughout the Middle East. Often this is not possible. Cole remarks that the only real requirement of marriage is that they marry people of equal status. Among the al-Murrah, the choosing of the bride and the negotiations for her are both carried out by the father Cole, pp. In some areas, a young man may see a girl that might interest him. If local tradition permits, he may tell his father or mother of his desires and they may look into the matter for him. However, it is up to the father to see if the matter is a reasonable one Trumbull, pp. We find this similarity in the Bible. Shechem asked his father, Haron, to get him a wife Gen. Like the al-Murrah, most Arab marriages are made between members of close kinsmen. This type of practice has its biblical similarities. When Abraham decided it was time for Isaac to marry, he sent his servant to find Isaac a bride from among his own family in Mesopotamia Gen. Laban thought it better to give his daughter to Jacob, a nephew, rather than to a stranger Gen. Samson's father was dishearten when Samson wanted to marry out of their tribe Judges 14:3. The Motif of the Go-Between When a girl is found that suits the taste of the father, and sometimes more importantly the mother, there are a few preliminary details that need to be done before the formal betrothal negotiations begin. These are often accomplished by a go-between or deputy. This go-between is usually a friend of the father or son or may be a professional go-between. These go-betweens often form an important class in the community Trumbull, pp. Granqvist observed this custom among the Arabs he lived with. If he is not certain that his proposal will be well received, he sends someone to the girl's home to make a preliminary inquiry. The messenger can also ask the girls's relatives directly if they wish to give her to such and such a man, in this manner preparing them for a proposal. If they answer that he is welcome, he is sure that they wish the marriage to take place.... The usual thing is that the formal request for the bride is not made by the young man himself but by one or several friends or relatives who act as intermediaries. When it came time for the young man to marry, the father would call in a go-between. The go-between would then go to the house of the girl's father and begin to negotiate for the bride. When he arrives at the house, he would be invited in and coffee would be offered to him. The go-between would refuse saying that he had come on an important mission and would not eat or drink until the mission was accomplished. The reason for his visit was then explained and negotiations began. After all had been discussed and agreed upon then they would all get up and shake hands and eat Trumbull, pp. This view of the go-between reveals a role that is far more than just simple observations and inquiry as Granqvist mentioned. The go-between actually carried out the negotiations of the betrothal. Among some Arabs, the go-between not only carries out the negotiations but also finds the bride for the young man. Of course, the role of the go-between is played differently in different areas and in some areas it is non-existent. Modern go-betweens are not without their biblical counterparts. The Motif of the Betrothal The preceding section has already made mention of the formal request for the bride. Normally this is done by the father of the intended bridegroom though in some cases it is done by a go-between such as a friend or group or relatives. In any case, one of the major items discussed at this time is the amount and payment of the wedding dowry. The reason for the bride price or wedding dowry seems to be that it is used as a compensation to the parents of the bride for the loss of her labor after leaving their home Smith, p. When a family lives in the desert such as many of the Arabs do, it is important to the economy of the home to have everyone work, whether in household jobs making tents, weaving, etc. When a girl leaves her father's home and is married, the father loses part of his labor force. Therefore, to compensate for the loss, the bridegroom normally the bridegroom's father pays a bride price. Donald Cole noted that among the al-Murrah tribe, marriages were sought for between close relatives in order that the high bride price need not be paid since they lived so close that no real labor loss occurred Cole, pp. The amount of the bride price and the means money, animals, land labor, etc. It is decided upon by the fathers of both the bride and the bridegroom. Often an area will dictate different bride prices for different categories. But still there must be an agreement as to the bride price in every separate case... Once the bride price is agreed upon a portion is paid immediately and the remainder is kept back to be paid to the wife in the event of a divorce Trumbull, p. In many areas part of the bride price is given to the bride herself as a dowry along with other goods to be taken to her new home. The bride price may be paid in many forms as agreed upon by the two parties. Quite often the bride price is paid in the form of money. Among the bedouins of the Negev the average payment is between IL. Sometimes the bride price is paid in land, animals, or labor. The people of Artas took them into their service, e. Thus also Hasan Abu Sawriye came to Artas. He said to my uncle Jedallah 'Ode : 'Wilt thou not allow me to serve for one of thy daughters? He said: 'I will have Hadra. After all the negotiations for the bride and the bride price are concluded, there is an immediate betrothal feast. In some areas the feast is just a small occasion but in other areas it is quite a big affair. There are many examples throughout the Bible concerning the bride price, the betrothal and its ceremonies. That the bride price was paid in other forms than money is borne out in the case of Othniel Joshua 15:16,17 and David 1 Sam. The example of Jacob has already been cited. In the parable of the lost coin Luke 15: 8-10 , the ten pieces of silver mentioned are most likely part of the bride price that the daughter received. In the Middle East, it is a common custom that the woman is entitled to all her wearing apparel, therefore, any wedding dowry she receives she will normally wear. This quite often consists of coins, jewelry, bracelets and the like Wight, p. In some areas of the Middle East, after the betrothal ceremonies have been performed, the bride and the bridegroom are not permitted to see each other until the wedding. Any communication that goes on between the two is carried out by the friend of the bridegroom Granqvist, pp. The Motif of the Wedding Ceremony When the day of the wedding finally arrives, many preparations are made. Among these preparations are the dressing of the bride and the bridegroom. The bride is dressed in very fine garments and jewels. Granqvist gives a list of the wearing apparel that the brides wore in the area he lived in: Articles of dress: 1. A silk dress 3. An embroidered jacket of velvet or cloth 6. A black head cloth of crepe with gaily-colored fringe Ornaments: 7. Finger-rings In order to decorate the bride for the wedding they further need: 10. A special bath is given for the bride and then special cosmetics are put on along with the different dress and ornaments. Much of this is accompanied with special women gatherings and feasts. The bridegroom is also given a special bath and is shaved. A special wedding garment is placed upon him to set him apart from the rest of the crowd. I decked thee also with ornaments, and I put bracelets upon thy hands, and a chain on thy neck. And I put a jewel on thy forehead, and earrings in thine ears, and a beautiful crown upon thine head. Thus was thou decked with gold and silver; and thy raiment was of fine linen, and silk, and broidered work. In some areas, the bride is taken by her friends and relatives in a procession to the bridegrooms house or the betrothed couples new home. In other areas, the bridegroom, himself, goes in procession to get his new bride and take her to their new home or to the house of his parents, depending on the local custom. Either way, the bridal procession is a prominent feature of social life in many Middle Eastern communities. It is almost always accompanied by dancing and singing. Granqvist noted that in the bridal processions he saw there was horseback racing, dancing, flute playing, singing, and he also mentioned that in earlier times, before the strong central government took over Palestine, there were shooting matches Granqvist, pp. When the bridegroom comes to pick up the bride she is heavily veiled. A bride is covered with the veil when her husband comes for her and only by marriage is it lifted. This is an extremely important oriental custom. Truth of this is in the Bible. Rebekah seems to have had no thought to veil herself in front of Abraham's servant. It also didn't seem important to have her face veiled while making the trip to the camp of Abraham. Quite often the wedding festivities begin at night. The daytime is used for bridal processions with much fanfare. Trumbull observed a wedding in Arabia and the course of events went as follows. On the day of the wedding there was a long bridal procession where the bride was shown off considerably. The procession took the bride to the house of the groom. He noted the day was very hot and the veiled bride must have been extremely miserable underneath the veil and all the wedding dresses. The bridal procession did not arrive at the groom's house until nearly sundown. The bridegroom was not there but was off somewhere else with his friends and relatives waiting to begin his procession to receive his bride. Trumbull was told that the procession would move out later in the evening. They waited patiently but it did not come. They supposed that somehow they missed it so they went to bed. It wasn't until almost midnight that they finally heard a man running through the village yelling and waking people up informing everyone that the bridegroom and the procession was coming. Trumbull was quite impressed with this sight. There were flaming torches lighting up the way and dancing, singing, and all kinds of activities. All this kept up until the procession reached the wedding feast which is always held after the bridegroom comes to claim his bride Trumbull. During the evening, the women who have been invited congregate in the room where the bride sits in silence, and spend the time commenting on her appearance, complimenting the relatives, discussing various family matters, and partaking of sweetmeats and similar refreshments. There is nothing more to be done, and everything is in readiness for the reception of the bridegroom, when the cry is heard outside announcing his approach. There, soon after sunset, that is between seven and eight o'clock, his male friends begin to assemble. Their work for the day is over; they have taken a hasty supper, and dressed themselves, and have come to spend the evening with the bridegroom and then escort him home. The time is occupied with light refreshments, general conversation and the recitation of poetry in praise of the families chiefly concerned and of the bridegroom in particular. After all have been courteously welcomed and their congratulations received, the bridegroom, about eleven o'clock, intimates his wish to set out. Flaming torches are then held aloft by special bearers, lit candles are handed at the door to each visitor as he goes out, and the procession sweeps slowly along towards the house where the bride and her females attendants are waiting. A great crowd has meanwhile assembled on the balconies, garden-walls, and flat roofs of the houses on each side of the road. It is always on impressive spectacle to watch the passage of such a brilliant retinue under the starry stillness of an Oriental night. The illumination of the torches and candles not only makes the procession itself a long winding array of moving lights, but throws into sharp relief the white dresses and thronging faces of the spectators seen against the somber walls and dark sky. The bridegroom is the center of interest. From time to time women raise their voices in the peculiar shrill, wavering shriek by which joy is expressed at marriages and other times of family and public rejoicing. The sound is heard at a great distance, and is repeated by other voices in advance of the procession, and thus intimation is given of the approach half an hour or more before the marriage escort arrives... Along the route the throng becomes more dense, and begins to move with the retinue bearing lights. As the house is approached the excitement increases, the bridegroom's pace is quickened, and the alarm is raised in louder tones and more repeatedly, 'He is coming, he is coming! These pass into the final rejoicing the marriage supper; the others who have discharged their duty in accompanying him to the door, immediately disperse, and the door is shut. The preceding illustrations give great insight into the parable of the ten virgins Matt. The ten virgins were most likely part of the maidens that were with the bride at the bridegroom's house. Because the hour was late, they fell asleep. It was at that time that five of the virgins realized they had not brought enough oil for their lamps. That was foolish for they should have known that their stay there would have been quite a long time, not knowing just when the bridegroom would come. Already mentioned, is the marriage feast that occurs at the end of the long wedding processions. This is a time of much festivity which may last up to seven days. At a wedding Trumbull observed, the father sacrificed a camel for the occasion. This is a real treat throughout the Middle East for meat is extremely expensive Trumbull, p. So everyone eats heartily and joyfully not wanting to miss the treat. This sacrificing of the camel gives understanding to a biblical analogy. Other biblical references to the marriage feast include the wedding feast of Samson Judges 14:12-18 and the marriage feast the Savior attended in Cana John 2:1-10. The marriage feast was also the subject of some of the Savior's parables including the royal marriage feast and the wedding garment Matt. After the marriage feast of the first day, the bridegroom and the bride are escorted to their private room. It is now that the marriage is finally consummated. There are two important events that occur at this time that will conclude our discussion of Arab marriage customs and biblical motifs. First, this is the time when the bridegroom may take off the veil and look upon his bride. For some, this may be the first time that the bridegroom will have seen the bride. If so, the go-between or the friend of the bridegroom, who may have done the choosing and negotiations of the whole marriage, is patiently waiting to hear whether or not the bridegroom is pleased. Second, it is at this time that the bridegroom deflowers the bride and her virginity is proven. During all this time, all those who have attended the marriage feast wait outside the room, talking, dancing, singing, and waiting! Finally, the bridegroom appears and voices his approval of the bride. At this point everyone screams and hollers with excitement. If a friend or go-between was used, there is probably no one more excited for his work was good. After the bridegroom voices his approval of the bride, the sheet with the blood stain on it is brought out and paraded throughout the town to her mother's house as proof of the brides virginity thus giving honor to the bride and her family. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city. And the elders of that city shall take that man and chastise him; And they shall amerce him in an hundred shekels of silver, and give them unto the father of the damsel, because he hath brought up an evil name upon a virgin of Israel: and she shall be his wife; and he may not put her away all his days. But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and them men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father's house: so shalt thou put away evil from among you. Yet, in conclusion, it can be seen form all the foregoing examples that there is much similarity between the modern Arab customs concerning marriage and the ancient customs that existed in the Bible. And truly, understanding the modern customs gives help in understanding those portions of the Bible for the Bible does not explain the customs for it was written to a people who already understood. Nomads of the Nomads. Marriage Conditions in a Palestinian Village. Bible Manners and Customs. Bedouin of the Negev. New York: Fredrick A. Kinship and Marriage in Early Arabia. Studies in Oriental Social Life. Manners and Customs of Bible Lands. Anthropology of the Old Testament.
Muslim Couples Open Up About Their Marriages
Large and unkempt moustaches have generally been considered a sign of arrogance. Marriage is contracted in several steps: 1 the choosing of the bride, 2 the sending of the go-between, 3 the betrothal, and finally, 4 the wedding ceremony. Match A premier dating site, Match. Among these elements are the muslim dating customs of the bride and the bridegroom. The procession took the bride to the house of the groom. Usually, the father or mother approaches the other family to suggest a meeting. Thus, when people inquired about these limits, the Qur'an clarified these limits Al-Baqarah 2: 222 in the servile words: They ask you about menstruation. There are 49 Muslim majority countries and each contains many regional and cultural differences. Thus, the Prophet peace be upon him gave the directive regarding the trimming of moustaches and the clipping of nails. A gift of flowers is a faux pas, as they're social for weddings and people suffering illness.
